NaBloPoMo Day 13

No prompt again? I guess they don't post prompts on weekends? Bah.

Today's great realization: I need a break. I have been on-duty with the kids nearly all week because of P dealing with his aunt's death. While I understand that and I'm happy to do his share while he does what needs doing with his family, I'm going to need to recover some of that time. I'm not functioning well at all right now.

As I posted yesterday, the kids have been in a HORRID mood this week. On top of that, Isaac is flat-out refusing to nap or go to bed at night without someone staying with him until he falls asleep... and I just.can' I can't spend 30-45 minutes, twice a day, staring at the wall waiting for him to conk out. So I leave, and he screams, and I check him, and I leave, and he screams... it took an hour and a half to get him to bed tonight. Friday night took two hours. When I've already spent all day dealing with a surly, cranky toddler who tells me how much he doesn't want to be with me and slams doors in my face... well, I just don't have the patience for a 2-hour-long bedtime battle. My patience is fried.

I'm tired. I'm so tired. Last night I was so tired that I didn't even stir when Isaac left his room, opened the gate, and went downstairs at 2 AM. P was catching up on schoolwork in the basement and heard stomping coming from the first floor hallway. He thought someone had broken into the house, but it was just Isaac, banging around on the floor. And I hadn't noticed! If you had any idea how light of a sleeper I normally am, you would understand how astonishing that is. The heat kicking on usually wakes me up, but last night I slept through my toddler escaping his room and going to another floor of the house. That terrifies me. What if P hadn't been awake?! He could have unlocked the front door and left and I never would have noticed.

So... a break. I need one. I have a meeting tomorrow night, which means that I'll miss bedtime. Hopefully it won't still be going on when I get back. I have a networking event Tuesday night, which I can't even imagine going well at this point, but I need to go. So... Wednesday. I'm supposed to do something with my friend S on Wednesday, and we need to make it something good. I'm craving that adult time so badly right about now.

And for what it's worth, I feel like the world's crappiest mom for not being able to roll with these punches. I love my kids, but I still find the hard weeks to be really hard. And then I judge myself for not being able to be Supermom. My kids deserve a Supermom.



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