NaBloPoMo Day 23

Post removed.


[I did post today - in fact, I had a rather scathing, profanity-laced tirade up about my son's sudden refusal to sleep. But upon cooling off and reflecting, I decided that I don't want that post living on in infamy on the internet. Obviously, all parents get frustrated sometimes... I'm not trying to "erase the past" and pretend that my frustration never happened, but I also don't want either of my children to ever read something I've written at a bad moment and wonder if they were ever anything less than 100% loved. No matter how exhausted and tired and upset I am, I always love them, and I never want them to doubt that. So, out of respect for Isaac, I've removed the post I wrote earlier today. Thanks for understanding].

NaBloPoMo Day 16

I would love to write a post today, but it is now three hours past Isaac's bedtime and he is still awake, so I can't. P spent the first hour rubbing his back, I spent the next hour and a half silently and patiently returning him to bed over and over, and now he's just... crying and calling me. And I'm taking five minutes to post this before going back because I am completely freaking spent.


And did I mention that Nora's sick? Good times all around.

NaBloPoMo Day 13

No prompt again? I guess they don't post prompts on weekends? Bah.

Today's great realization: I need a break. I have been on-duty with the kids nearly all week because of P dealing with his aunt's death. While I understand that and I'm happy to do his share while he does what needs doing with his family, I'm going to need to recover some of that time. I'm not functioning well at all right now.

As I posted yesterday, the kids have been in a HORRID mood this week. On top of that, Isaac is flat-out refusing to nap or go to bed at night without someone staying with him until he falls asleep... and I just.can't.do.that. I can't spend 30-45 minutes, twice a day, staring at the wall waiting for him to conk out. So I leave, and he screams, and I check him, and I leave, and he screams... it took an hour and a half to get him to bed tonight. Friday night took two hours. When I've already spent all day dealing with a surly, cranky toddler who tells me how much he doesn't want to be with me and slams doors in my face... well, I just don't have the patience for a 2-hour-long bedtime battle. My patience is fried.

I'm tired. I'm so tired. Last night I was so tired that I didn't even stir when Isaac left his room, opened the gate, and went downstairs at 2 AM. P was catching up on schoolwork in the basement and heard stomping coming from the first floor hallway. He thought someone had broken into the house, but it was just Isaac, banging around on the floor. And I hadn't noticed! If you had any idea how light of a sleeper I normally am, you would understand how astonishing that is. The heat kicking on usually wakes me up, but last night I slept through my toddler escaping his room and going to another floor of the house. That terrifies me. What if P hadn't been awake?! He could have unlocked the front door and left and I never would have noticed.

So... a break. I need one. I have a meeting tomorrow night, which means that I'll miss bedtime. Hopefully it won't still be going on when I get back. I have a networking event Tuesday night, which I can't even imagine going well at this point, but I need to go. So... Wednesday. I'm supposed to do something with my friend S on Wednesday, and we need to make it something good. I'm craving that adult time so badly right about now.

And for what it's worth, I feel like the world's crappiest mom for not being able to roll with these punches. I love my kids, but I still find the hard weeks to be really hard. And then I judge myself for not being able to be Supermom. My kids deserve a Supermom.

Sigh.

NaBloPoMo Day 6

No prompt again today? Okay... I'll just babble then.

The big news here today is that Isaac is sleeping in a bed! We weren’t really planning to move him into a bed on the first day of non-Daylight Savings Time, especially considering that he woke up for the day at 4:17 AM and was cranky and overtired, but he had other plans. When we went to get him after his nap, he was busy climbing out of his crib, cheerily announcing “I climb!” So that was that.

To our great surprise, he was completely unperturbed about the change in sleeping arrangements. When we put him down, he rolled around for 5 or 10 minutes and then got up. I put him back down and he rolled over and went to sleep. Much, much different from when Nora switched to a bed and required a week or two of 45-minutes-a-night returns to bed.

Of course, it could just be that he’s saving his rebellion for naptime tomorrow. I certainly hope not.

(Note: These pictures were taken this afternoon when we first moved the bed in there. We do not actually put our child down for the night in regular clothes).